Dr. Celia
00:01 – 00:20
Hey Biz Mom, I was talking to a mom business owner recently and she shared something that stopped me in my tracks. She told me about growing up in a household where rest was not allowed. If her parents caught her on the couch not doing anything, she was immediately told to go find work to do. There was always something, dishes, laundry, organizing, cleaning.
Dr. Celia
00:20 – 00:43
The message was like crystal clear, your value comes from what you produce. Fast forward 30 years later. She was a mom with her own business, working long hours, staying up late to finish projects, constantly late for pick up and drop off because it was just like one more thing she needed to work on in her business. She never took vacations, never took breaks, because somehow deep down in what she was brought up, she still believed rest was for the weak and lazy.
Dr. Celia
00:46 – 01:05
She was more present in her business than with her family, until she wasn’t. She burned out completely. She had to leave the business she built. She needed to take time to process and work through all the thoughts and feelings about what she wanted to do with her life because she just could not function at the rate she was functioning and it was just too much on her, too much on her family, too
Dr. Celia
01:05 – 01:27
much on her business. But there was a happy ending to this. Once she processed everything, once she really went through what happened in her child and how that’s affecting her adult, she came back different. She ended up having a business that she loves and she was a very present mom because she finally understood that those childhood messages didn’t have to run her adult life.
Dr. Celia
01:29 – 01:43
And as a psychiatrist, I see this pattern everywhere. We carry those invisible scripts from childhood that are still running our adult decisions. And for mom business owners, these scripts are absolutely sabotaging your mental load management. And let me show you what I mean.
Dr. Celia
01:45 – 01:57
Maybe you grew up hearing, don’t get too big for your britches. Success felt dangerous, like it would threaten other people or make you a target. So now when your business is growing, you unconsciously sabotage it. You don’t raise your rates.
Dr. Celia
01:57 – 02:12
You don’t pitch that big opportunity. You keep yourself small because big feels scary. Or maybe you were the good girl, like always following the rules, like don’t rock the boat, put everyone else’s needs above yours. But now you’re running a business where you cannot set boundaries with clients.
Dr. Celia
02:13 – 02:37
You say yes to every request and you’re constantly putting your family’s immediate needs before your business growth. Because good girls do not prioritize themselves. And it’s also possible that somewhere you were the family caregiver, like you grew up hearing like, you’re the responsible one, you need to take care of your sibling, you’re the one in charge. And like, you ended up managing your siblings, your parents’ emotions, maybe even their relationship.
Dr. Celia
02:38 – 02:54
And now in current times, like you’re managing everyone else’s mental load because your own dreams sit in the back burner. Because taking care of others is just what you do. And I definitely have to mention this one, perfectionism. Like, you might have heard, like, if you’re going to do something, do it right.
Dr. Celia
02:54 – 03:11
And as a child, that might have sounded like reasonable and everything, right? Except now, you spent the last three hours crafting that perfect email that should have taken you 15 minutes. Or you launched nothing because it’s not perfect yet. You over-deliver on every client project because good enough feels like a failure.
Dr. Celia
03:12 – 03:35
You were taught that your dreams should be realistic like don’t be too ambitious don’t want too much and Then because of this you end up setting goals that feel safe But do not excite you you play small you tell yourself that you’re just being practical, but really you’re just feeling really scared And this one is a really big one. Family comes first always. Like you might have heard this growing up a lot.
Dr. Celia
03:36 – 04:11
And any focus on yourself now or your business feels very selfish. Listen, I am not saying family doesn’t matter, but when this messaging gets twisted and it means that you never invest yourself in your business growth or you never take time for your own development, or you even feel guilty about working or guilty for wanting more or guilty for having dreams that extend beyond your children, that’s when it’s a problem. You end up with a business that limps along because you cannot fully commit to it, and a family that gets a burnt out resentful version of you because you’re giving from an empty cup.
Dr. Celia
04:12 – 04:28
And this is what’s really wild about this. Like your nervous system doesn’t know that you’re an adult now. Like the childhood messages are still firing in your brain like the current reality. Like your adult version doesn’t know that like what happened in childhood that helped during that time doesn’t work now.
Dr. Celia
04:28 – 04:54
Or the thoughts or feelings or emotions you had then that’s still running the show now doesn’t actually relate because the situation is different now. Like when you sit down to rest, your body might be flooded with anxiety because rest means trouble when you were 7. Or when you think about raising your prices, your chest might tighten because success feels dangerous when you are 12. Or if you want to prioritize your business, you might feel the crushing guilt because putting yourself first was selfish when you were 15.
Dr. Celia
04:55 – 05:10
And this is not character weakness, this is programming. And the first step to change this is recognizing that it’s there. So when you tried all those productivity strategies, they were working against decades of conditioning. Like you cannot time block your way out of perfectionism.
Dr. Celia
05:10 – 05:30
You cannot delegate your way out of caretaker syndrome. You cannot organize your way out of the belief that your worth comes from productivity. And I know this might feel heavy, but if you’re recognizing this in you, like you’re recognizing yourself in these patterns, take a deep breath. This awareness is actually the first step towards freedom.
Dr. Celia
05:30 – 06:01
You are not broken. You’re just carrying the programming that does not serve you anymore. And I also want to give another example which I think you may relate like have you ever like noticed when you’re parenting your child and all of a sudden like you have this thought like wow I sound like my mom I am mothering like my mom or my dad and growing up you were always thinking like I don’t want to be like my mom I don’t want to be like my dad when I parent and 20-30 years later you’re doing the exact same thing That itself is conditioning, like, from what you absorbed in childhood into
Dr. Celia
06:01 – 06:30
adulthood, that, like, the things that you didn’t want to do sometimes are now showing up as you parent, because unconsciously, that’s what you’ve seen, that’s what you observe, and that’s what you ended up, you know, doing in the heat of the moment with your kid. But realizing that knowing that is also an awareness step that brings you to coming out of it. If you don’t like that in yourself, like if that’s not how you want to parent, you can unlearn this. If that’s not how you want to show up currently, it doesn’t mean you have to stay like that.
Dr. Celia
06:32 – 06:51
And this is why I look at the whole person when I’m coaching someone on mental load, because your overwhelm isn’t about today’s to-do list. It’s about that little girl inside of you who learned that love was conditional on performance. But here’s what that mom I told you about learned, and here’s what I want you to know. These patterns can change.
Dr. Celia
06:52 – 07:04
You can learn to rest without guilt. You can learn to want big things without shame. You can learn to put yourself first sometimes without feeling selfish. It takes work, it takes awareness, but it’s absolutely possible.
Dr. Celia
07:05 – 07:32
And that’s exactly what we do in BizMom Balanced Blueprint. Because here’s the thing, most programs focus on giving you better systems and schedules, but if we do not address the mental load running in the background, those systems will never stick. In the BizMom Balanced Blueprint, we don’t just focus on your calendar, we work through deeper patterns that are stalling your business growth and keeping you stuck in overwhelm cycles. So next episode, I’m going to share exactly how to untangle these patterns.
Dr. Celia
07:32 – 07:50
We’re going to dive into what I call the mental load audit, not for your tasks, but for your beliefs. Because once you see the programming, you can start to rewrite it. Until then, Bismam, I want you to get curious. What messages did you absorb about work, rest, ambition, and worth when you were growing up?
Dr. Celia
07:50 – 08:03
You might be surprised about what you discover. And remember, that little girl who learned those messages was doing the best she could to survive and be loved during that time period. But you are not her anymore. You get to choose what you believe now.
Dr. Celia
08:04 – 08:11
And if this is hitting home for you, come work with me in BizMom Balance Blueprint. All the details are in the show notes, and I’ll talk to you soon, BizMom.
